Living with three boys- my tips for survival in a testosterone filled world

When I was younger I often pondered what my life would be like when I was 30. Like everyone, I imagined I would be married, maybe own my own home and have a kid on the way. Well, I am now thirty two years old. I am married and do have my own home but, somehow instead of the one imaginary kid, I have managed to obtain three. Not just three, but three boys- yikes! Here are my tips for survival when surrounded by testosterone in mini form:

  1. Always, always check the toilet before sitting down. This is not a suggestion but a rule. Why I hear you ask? Well, you thought things were bad living with a man, now there’s more. More men means more pee on the seat (and everywhere surrounding) and more chances the toilet seat will be left up. In fact, of course it will! So unless you want to find yourself legs akimbo whilst half in the toilet bowl, heed my advice.
  2. Boys seem to think their manhood might disappear between one minute and the next. So they are very thorough at checking that this has not occurred. Oh that’s dedication I hear you say! Yes, I agree, but it becomes rather hard to explain when you are at a family dinner or say, the doctor’s surgery.
  3. Between 6pm and 8pm the ‘witching hours’ occur. This mainly involves being so overly tired that the only remedy is to batter the life out of each other, jump off sofas, batter each other some more, cry, then finally agree to go to bed.
  4. Farting and anything gross appears to be customary. It also seems that doing said gross things in people’s faces is the preferred method. Brace yourself.
  5. Bath time is a war zone and in my house is accompanied with the ‘winky dance’. This involves the oldest two standing up, slapping them then diving into the water in convulsions. I have observed many dance crazes in my time but, I can assure you, I sincerely hope this is one that doesn’t catch on.
  6. Lego, in any form, will become your nemesis. Come to think of it, so will the instructions. Time to rewire your brain to cope with more logical tasks and wear slippers 24/7 to avoid Lego related injuries.
  7. Be prepared to spend your life at the washing machine and invest in some shares with Surf. Boys like to get dirty, the dirtier the better. It’s a rule that they must come back home resembling some kind of dog let loose in a muddy field.
  8. If like me, you end up having more than one boy, be prepared for the onslaught of public sympathy.  The gasps of “oh three boys, you must have your hands full” is all I ever hear. It’s like it is the worst possible scenario for most people. One is acceptable, more than that and you are some kind of martyr.
  9. Brush up on some new male hairdressing terminology. No longer will a number 2 mean the same thing to you.
  10. Finally, be prepared to be their Queen. Their be all and end all. Get ready for lots and lots of cuddles and kisses. The love that little boys have for their Mummy is endless and, for ages, they aren’t afraid to show it. So, enjoy every second whilst it lasts 🙂